


The Dreams Only He Shared

by lvdysmoothie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi has many bad ideas, Angst, Doctor/Patient, M/M, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, ending up to interpretation, if you squint- Daisuga, please tell me how you think they know each other, trigger warning- mental health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvdysmoothie/pseuds/lvdysmoothie
Summary: They've never met before.Akaashi, a psychiatrist working for Tokyo's leading Mental Institutions and he loves his job. His patients' stories keep him going as he follows his life's schedule.Bokuto, an enigmatic owl lover whose smile could light up a thousand suns. His love for Akaashi pours out of him as he lives a life in content by his side.They've never met before.*Ending explanation in the last chapter*
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 24
Kudos: 170





	1. That Day, They Met

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting my works in a very long time and the concept of the story is still relatively new. I'm not too well versed with in-depth mental health but I will try to keep everything as vague and obscure as to not upset anyone. Also, this chapter was really short but I hope to lengthen them as I progress. Thank you for reading it means a lot :)

2 days.

It’s been 2 days since Akaashi had managed to get any sleep. His vision blurring every now and then, even with his glasses on. The words on the page had started to dance around the notebook as Akaashi threw his head back in frustration. 

_‘How many reports do I have to make for one patient?’_ He pondered as he drank the backwash of his already cold coffee. He grimaced at the taste before deciding to close the notebook for the night. 

_‘Or day’_ Akaashi thought as he saw first light peaking through the horizons, new light shining into his small apartment that overlooked Tokyo. He didn’t even want to think of the long day ahead of him as he stepped into the shower. The cold water hitting his face boosted his energy just enough to run through his work schedule in his head. 

_‘4 appointments, 3 visitation meetings and report updates at 4.’_ Soap ran down his body along with the nights’ frustrations. Akaashi was used to the structure and mundanity of his everyday schedule. Everything had a place and time and he liked it just the way it was. The one thing that kept Akaashi from driving up the walls were the stories. Akaashi always had a love for stories but couldn’t seem to come up with anything that didn’t scream normal. But his patients on the other hand, had wonderful, tragic, fascinating and morbidly awful stories. 

And Akaashi wanted more of it. 

He finally stepped out of the shower and breathed in new air. Today was a new day and Akaashi would continue his work as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The walk to the hospital was always cold. Even on hot Tokyo summer days, the alleyway Akaashi took to work was mostly sheltered and barely saw the light of day. It was a peaceful walk and Akaashi always thanked his lucky stars for finding such a quaint apartment near his workplace. For the nth time that morning, Akaashi made sure to run through everything he had to do through the day as he stepped into the hospital. The early hustle and bustle warmed his heart slightly, acknowledging the familiarity of it all. 

_’Things are all in order.’_ He smiled to himself before making his way up to his office. Most of his colleagues were already out doing their rounds or at early morning sessions. Akaashi set his bag down and took out his notebook and files. He would just drop the files off on his supervisors desk and make a mental note to talk to him about the patients’ (who kept him up for 2 days) progress. Before he could do that, a long arm snaked around his neck. Akaashi didn’t have to turn around to see who it was, judging by his suffocatingly strong cologne and finely kept fingernails. 

“Good morning to you too Oikawa-san.” He felt the hand retreat followed by a long, loud sigh.

“Always so professional. Even in the morning. I’ve told you plenty of times, you can just Tooru, Kei-kun.” Akaashi knew better than to correct Oikawa and his special nicknames so he just nodded slightly. 

“If you really insist Oikawa-san.” Other loud and exasperated groan from Oikawa as Akaashi made his way to his supervisor’s desk. Kenma sat quietly at his desk, already going through the other reports sent in by the other doctors. A small frown forming on his forehead as Akaashi quietly set his own reports on his desk. Kenma only looked up slightly to greet Akaashi with his eyes before taking his report and slapping it onto the already tall pile. Akaashi quietly nodded once more, deciding to talk to him about the patient some other time, and sat back down at his desk. He had about 10 more minutes before his first appointment so he allowed himself to lean into his chair and close his eyes. He almost caught a glimpse of gold before he was shaken awake by none other than Oikawa. 

“You know, as someone as meticulous as you, I never saw you as someone who slept on the job.” Oikawa tilted his head towards Akaashi’s table clock and his eyes followed.

_9:14am_

Akaashi jolted out of his chair and grabbed his bag, running past Oikawa’s laughter and into the hallways. Akaashi couldn’t believe he let a little sleep deprivation get the best of him as he slowed into a brisk walk and straighten out his shirt. He just hopes his patient wasn’t waiting too long. 

The rest of the day follows according to Akaashi’s schedule. The same faces and the same places that he had seen for the past year and a half. He’s a highly regarded doctor, acknowledged by his seniors even though Akaashi was still considerably young. But that made him even prouder in his work. Helping as many people as he could while they silently fuelled Akaashi’s storytelling desires. A win-win, in Akaashi’s opinion. He had just finished his daily reports for the day, satisfied with his own daily accomplishments. Not that he would show it on his face of course. 

Akaashi had started to pack up his bag when he was greeted with Kenma sliding an almost empty folder onto Akaashi’s desk.

“There’s someone new who got admitted in at the last minute. He keeps mentioning your name so I assume you would know him. Anyways, I’ve assigned you as his only doctor because it seems like he won’t talk to anyone else at the moment. I hope you’re okay with that.” Kenma opened up the folder and there was only a patients information page and nothing else.

_Bokuto Koutarou_

Akaashi didn’t recall ever meeting anyone with that name but he wasn’t going to start to go back on his superiors’ words. 

“Sure thing. I’ll do my best.” Was all he said before sliding Bokuto’s folder into his bag. Once again, he was interrupted by Kenma. 

“Oh no, you have an appointment with him now. He’s getting a bit too much for the nurses to handle, insisting he has to talk to you.” Akaashi could only blink in response. A man that he’s never met before is demanding to see him. It was beyond odd but Akaashi couldn’t suppress the mild curiosity that bubbled within him. He slowly nodded his head as Kenma walked back to his desk. Akaashi pulled out Bokuto’s folder and opened it.

 _‘Room 4. The special ward’_ This only peaked Akaashi’s interests as he gathered the last of his things and made his way to his office. He knew that was where they had put him because it was customary for new patients to meet their doctors first to run through their programmes and schedules so they wouldn’t get too shocked. Just as he reached the door to his office, he heard voices coming from inside. Akaashi quickly opened the door to see Yukie, the new resident nurse, grabbing onto the regulatory grey attire all new patients had to wear. 

“Just please put it on!” Yukie pleaded with what seemed him a human rock, crouching at the corner of the room with his head down. Yukie turned to see Akaashi standing at the doorway and huffed a breath of relief.

“Thank goodness it’s you Dr. Akaashi. Bokuto refuses to listen to anyone and won’t even come out from that corner.” She silently cried. But Bokuto seemed to catch what she said and he slowly unfurled himself, looking up to meet Akaashi’s eyes. 

_‘Golden.’_ Akaashi thought before looking back at Yukie.

“It’s alright Yukie-san. I’ll take it from h-“ But before he could finish, Akaashi felt himself tumble over. The next thing he knew, he was staring up at the ceiling, two big, strong arms wrapped around Akaashi. He looked down to see a mess of silvery hair, black roots peeking.

“Keiji…” The man around him whispered ever so softly, as if it was only meant for the both of them. Yukie’s cries of concern drowned out by the sound of his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's my first chapter! Thank you guys so much for reading it really means a lot to me. If you liked what you read, you could leave a kudos and check out my other work as well! Again, thank you guys so much <3
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	2. That Day, They Talked

He stared at the man before him. His silvery hair playfully catching rays of sunlight, his back towards Akaashi. He had finally convinced Yukie that it was more than alright to leave him alone with his new patient. Akaashi had his fair share of difficult patients and it wasn’t like the man fazed him or anything. And after reluctantly leaving, she left the two alone. Akaashi allowed himself a few brief moments of silence, trying to study the mysterious man. 

_‘I wonder…’_ He allowed his thoughts to trail off as the man turned around to look at him. Eyes sharp and the colour of the sun that surrounded him. A smile so big that Akaashi was curious if he had that expression all while staring out the window. An unknown feeling bubbled and settled it left deep in Akaashi, a combination of things that he couldn’t put a finger on. 

“I’m so glad you’re here, Keiji! You would not believe the things I had to go through to get to you. Everyone here is too serious and they keep telling me to do things. I know you wouldn’t do that to me. Thank goodness it’s just us now.” The man spun around and sat himself down on the chaise lounge beside him, that big smile of his never faltering. All Akaashi did was nod and clear his throat. He still had to be professional, no matter how confused Akaashi was at this point. He took a seat at his usual beige armchair and pulled out his notebook from his bag. 

“Why don’t you lie down, Bokuto-san. We can talk about how you’re feeling, now that you’re here.” Bokuto happily complied, throwing his head back and stretching his legs. His feet hung over the edge of the chair and Akaashi couldn’t help wonder about how tall he was. Akaashi himself already stood at above average height but Bokuto would still look down at him if they stood side by side. Akaashi realised he had been staring too long and blinked himself back to reality, not noticing the small smile Bokuto had just watching him. Akaashi took out a pen and opened the first page. But before he could open his mouth…

“What is it like to leap.”

Those were the first words Akaashi had scrawled onto his brand new notebook. The first words he had ever heard come out of Bokuto’s mouth. Akaashi almost didn’t finish writing it down, unwilling to recognise the period instead of a question of his tone. Akaashi straightened his back and took a good look at him. Bokuto was squinting slightly, mostly because the chaise lounge he sat in was bathed in the setting spring sun. Akaashi had meant to move it as soon as the session was done. The chair was slowly getting discoloured from constant exposure and Akaashi wasn’t ready to spend more of the hospital’s budget on a simple chair. The cushions had started to sag uncomfortably and one of its legs was already chipped, making it rock awkwardly. 

“If you were to run so fast your heart stops, jump so high your mind goes blank. Where would you end up, Keiji.” 

Another period. Bokuto’s eyes were watering from staring into the sun for a while. His arms fell from the chair, barely swaying to its own beat. The silence he left Akaashi with tugged at his eardrums. His presence practically suffocating. Akaashi could barely read his writing on the notebook at this point. Akaashi had spent his whole life hearing people call his name. It was second nature to answer to it, just as anyone would to their own name. But not with Bokuto. No, with him, Akaashi wanted to look away. His name almost held a meaning that Akaashi couldn’t understand, his name a word like he had never heard before

“Bokuto-san, if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to ask you a question myself.” He finally spoke. Akaashi needed the upper hand. Just anything from him that could answer Akaashi, even if it was the last thing he wanted to hear. His knuckles slowly turning white from gripping onto his pen. Bokuto slowly turned his head to look back at him. The sun trapped in his golden eyes as tears rolled freely down his cheeks. 

“How do you know my name?” Akaashi didn’t even realise he had his eyes closed. When he finally opened them, he saw it. The smile of the setting sun, a look of utter amusement washed over his face.

“Silly Keiji, you’re the one that told me.”

-

That night, Akaashi laid in bed with his eyes burning holes into his ceiling. He wasn’t tired. Far from it, actually. Akaashi was starstruck, to say the least. He could maybe count the fear pumping through his veins as a key factor, but Akaashi couldn’t care less. He thought about Bokuto all night, the image of him smiling etched into the crevasses of his mind. His words clouding Akaashi’s vision and the sudden coldness of the night shooting up his spine. The thoughts running through his mind were suddenly too much, causing Akaashi to sit up straight. For the briefest of moments, Akaashi couldn’t remember a single thing he was supposed to be doing the next day. Akaashi’s mind too preoccupied by just the mere thought of him. His breath jarringly loud compared to the pitch silence in his apartment.

 _‘He says we’ve known each other for years. He knows my name because I’ve told him. He’s here because he wants to see me.’_ Akaashi let his head rest on the palms of his hands as he tried to collect himself. As enamoured as Akaashi was with the thoughts surrounding Bokuto’s brain, he couldn’t allow it to interfere with his daily life. Akaashi had kept himself professional and poised, living comfortably and working a good and stable job. He wasn’t going to allow one patient to throw him off just because of a few silly coincidences. Akaashi had never felt like this before. Not when his first partner broke up with him, not when he had to suddenly move away from his parents for his new job and certainly not for a patient who clearly wasn’t thinking right. 

_‘You just met the man today. Pull yourself together. He’s just like any other patient. He’s here to get help. And you will be of help.’_ Akaashi reasoned with himself until he felt his eyelids grow heavier. He was just an ordinary patient, nothing special or exciting.

_‘Yes. Nothing special.’_

The next day when Akaashi stepped into his office, he was almost surprised to see Bokuto standing in the same place. But this time, Bokuto was facing him, dressed in regulatory grey uniform. He still had a smile on his face, shadowing the morning sun. 

“Morning Keiji! How did you sleep last night? I was a little upset that they said I had to stay here but they promised I would see you again in the morning if I behaved so I did and now you’re here!” His voiced filled the room, not that Akaashi had any problems with it, but he was worried about disturbing next door sessions. He gave a small smile, hoping it would calm Bokuto down. And it did. Bokuto let out a long breath and cocked his head to the side, a soft smile on his lips.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Keiji.” 

_Yes. Nothing special._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2!! another kinda short chapter but we're getting there i swear. hope you enjoy and you can also follow me on twitter @mistabitch <3


	3. That Day, They Touched

Akaashi stared down at his notebook. It was still blank, only a sentence scribbled at the top. The sentence Bokuto had mentioned in their previous session. Akaashi had gone through the whole day as usual, now just adding a daily session for Bokuto and sometimes checking up on him and his new environment. Most patients come in and don’t leave their room for days, slapped in the face with their new reality. Bokuto on the other hand had taken it fairly well, if you discount the fact that he never talks or smiles at anyone who wasn’t Akaashi. But despite trying to know more about what was going on in Bokuto’s mind, he sat through an hours’ session listening to him talk about how owls were his favourite animal. 

Not that Akaashi was complaining or anything. 

But as he walked through the halls of the Special Ward, Akaashi felt increasingly more agitated. Something irking within the pits of his stomach, and he didn’t like this new feeling. Maybe it was feeding off his anxiety of not being able to write anything else in his notebook. Maybe it was feeding off his whiplash of being thrown into a new schedule. 

_‘Or maybe its because Bokuto isn’t acting like he’s supposed to be here.’_

Akaashi shook away the preposterous thought. Bokuto is clearly delusional and is immersing himself in a separate reality that doesn’t exist. He needs help to clear the fog and realise that he’s here now. Right here in a world where they have never met prior. Akaashi sighed inwardly, hoping the long exhale would wash away the all the nonsense in his head. He still had one last check up with Bokuto before he could head home. And maybe he could pry something, absolutely anything, from the mind of a Bokuto who probably already knew he was living in a never-ending dream. Akaashi didn’t even have to knock a second time for Bokuto to open the door, eyes wide with eager and hope. 

“Hey hey hey Keiji, it’s you! For a second I thought it was Daichi again, trying to make me eat those weird pills. I mean, Daichi is a nice guy don’t get me wrong, but he’s been really trying to make me eat them when I totally don’t need them. You must be exhausted from work today, Keiji. Come in so we can talk more!” Akaashi didn’t even have time to say anything before he was pulled in by Bokuto, who had a strong grip on his hand as they entered his room. Not too tight where it hurt but it didn’t feel like he was going to let go of Akaashi anytime soon. It was highly unprofessional for him to be holding hands with his patient, but Akaashi reasoned with himself that it would probably make Bokuto feel a little better and safer, being that he was still getting used to a new space after all.

Bokuto’s room resembled every other room in the Special Wards. Cream walls that were soft on the eyes and minimal furniture, a bed that was flushed to the corner of the room with a window that overlooked the courtyard, a small wooden closet and matching dresser for personal items allowed in the facility. The only thing that stood out in the room was a small glass figurine on his dresser, two owls nestled beside each other. Akaashi couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t known the man for very long, albeit they met just the previous day, but he couldn’t help but feel that it was very Bokuto-like. He looked to face Bokuto again and saw that he was merely smiling at him, eyes sharp but soft. Bokuto then let go of his hand and sat down at the edge of his bed, the cool draft in the room suddenly enveloping Akaashi’s hands. He shook it off the ridiculous feeling and sat himself on the window ledge. 

“So how was your first full day here, Bokuto-san? I hope you’re settling well.” Professional as always. No matter how friendly Bokuto had made himself to be, Akaashi still had to follow protocol and do his job. That was his first priority. Though, Bokuto didn’t seem the least bit off put by his tone. 

“Everything’s been fine so far. People keep trying to talk to me but I only want to talk to you, Keiji. Maybe Daichi too just because he smiles at me, and this morning he brought me pancakes shaped like owls! Can you believe it?” There was that big smile again that Akaashi was slowly getting accustomed to. Akaashi also knew about Daichi, the resident Special Wards’ nurse and also a frequent visitor to Sugawara-san’s desk. He seemed to be well liked by the other patients and Akaashi was silently grateful he was the one who looked after Bokuto as well. Akaashi would have to thank him for making Bokuto feel safe. 

“Hey, Keiji? I know I have to stay here and everything because people say I have to but I really miss our place. Tokyo really is beautiful when you’re so high up. Even more so with you around.” Another smile. Bokuto didn’t see anything wrong with what he said but Akaashi felt his breath get knocked out of him. How did Bokuto know what his apartment looked like. They had never met prior to the day before and he certainly doesn’t remember telling Bokuto about his personal life, let alone his own residency. Akaashi tried to mask his surprise and maybe a tinge of fear and even if Bokuto managed to catch it, he didn’t bring it up. Instead, he got up and walked over to Akaashi. There wasn’t anything of note that Akaashi would have to label Bokuto a danger but he felt himself instinctively get up and take a step back. He felt the wall stop him and Akaashi closed his eyes, shamefully displaying his fear of the situation. But instead, he was greeted by a warm hand against his cheek. Palm cupping his face and fingertips ghosting Akaashi’s pale skin. Akaashi slowly opened his eyes to see eyes carved out of a star. Bokuto had a different smile now, one that looked private and silent. Quiet tears unknowingly rolling down Aksashi’s face as Bokuto’s thumb carefully rubs them away. Bokuto just cocks his head to the side and closes his eyes, as if relieved. 

“You’re finally here.”

-

Akaashi spends the rest of the week observing Bokuto. He was still slightly afraid that something like what happened in Bokuto’s room would happen again and Akaashi’s professional side couldn’t handle the shift so he had limited himself to only seeing Bokuto when truly necessary. Though the other side of Akaashi was still far too interested in Bokuto’s story to truly stay away. He would occasionally show up to the common room or courtyard when Bokuto had free time and watch him as he tried to slowly interact with the other patients (more like the other patients trying to interact with him) and Akaashi noticed three things.

First, Bokuto rarely ever frowns. In front of Akaashi, he only ever smiled but it seemed like it was just a default expression of his. Though he still wasn’t very comfortable with new people, Bokuto would always smile at them and follow along with small talk. The only time Akaashi witnessed Bokuto frown was when Daichi tried to explain the rules and concept of chess to him. 

Second, Bokuto was a very touchy person. Not in a weird way or anything but Bokuto seemed to like to feel another person’s physical being when he would talk to them. He first showed this when he touched Akaashi’s cheek, but also when getting someone’s attention, he would reach out and touch them on the shoulder instead of calling out to them. Or when finishing a conversation with anyone, he would always reach out for a handshake or high five. 

Lastly, Bokuto was very observant of his surroundings. Be it his environment or the people around him, it was as if he was constantly aware of where he was and the things going on around him. This struck Akaashi as odd, being that Bokuto was admitted to the facility because he was said to be living in a constant dreamlike state that even Akaashi had witnessed firsthand. But Bokuto was always looking around and he maybe even caught Akaashi following him around the facility a few times but unknown to Akaashi, he found it slightly amusing. 

By the time the week ended, Akaashi had multiple pages of Bokuto’s behaviour alone and how it may correlate back to his strange behaviour. Akaashi wanted to feel accomplished for catching up with his work but he couldn’t get rid of the irking thought that he still hadn’t gotten any information from Bokuto himself and what was going on in his mind. Akaashi wanted nothing more than to get a copy of Bokuto’s everyday thoughts and read it until his eyes bled. He knew that there was something missing to his research that could ultimately unravel Bokuto’s secrets. Something that would allow Akaashi to find out all the stories that Bokuto kept in his mind and only to himself. Akaashi wanted to understand Bokuto.

To help him, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and supporting this story. It truly means a lot to me. I will also keep weekly updates every tuesday so you can look forward to that :) Once again, thank you guys!
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	4. That Day, He Planned

Maybe Akaashi didn’t want the situation to be real. Maybe if he closed his eyes long enough, held his breathe long enough, he wouldn’t be seated in front of Bokuto’s parents.

Bokuto had an almost striking resemblance to his mother. The older woman had silvery hair that lightly kissed her shoulders, eyes cut from the same ember Bokuto’s were. Her small stature being completely overshadowed by an obviously large aura and being. His father was where Bokuto got his build from, Akaashi noted. Standing broad and confident, his black hair buzzed down and eyes dark enough to conceal his irises. But no one seemed to notice his shoulders sagging slightly. 

_‘The weight of a parent who’s seen their child go through nothing he could understand.’_ Akaashi exhaled a breath of air he forgot he was holding. He gripped onto the edges of his notebook so tight, he was afraid of permanently denting it. Akaashi had done countless meet ups with parents, guardians and other loved ones. But this was the first time he had sat down in front of anyone with pure speculation scribbled haphazardly in his notes. 

“Dr. Akaashi, thank you so much for taking your time to see us. Kou may be quite a handful but I promise he’s a sweet boy. Please take care of him.” Akaashi almost lost all the words he had prepared right there and then. This woman, who exuded energy too much for her body, sounded small and terrified. She lowered her head and Akaashi wanted to burn all his notes he ever took on Bokuto. 

_'There is nothing wrong with your son! Please! He is just fine the way he is because now he knows me so it should be fine right?’_ The words clogged Akaashi lungs and threatened to spill over but Akaashi was better than that. He was a professional. He looked out the glass window beside their table, the sun still bright as ever. Akaashi makes a silent prayer that the meeting would go well. 

“Of course, Mrs Bokuto. Please have a seat and we can talk about your son.” His mom lifted her head to get a better look at Akaashi. Maybe she smiled to herself. Maybe she heard Akaashi’s silent pleas. 

Akaashi spends the next half an hour or so discussing different observations he had made throughout the week. Most of them holding no basis whatsoever but Akaashi mentions them anyway, hoping to maybe spark a topic of interest with Bokuto’s parents that he can use to further his theories. By the the end of it, Akaashi thought he sounded just as crazy as the situation all three of them were in. He held his breath once more, praying Bokuto’s parents would accept his shaky theories and leave it that. Instead, he was greeted with sad smiles. 

“I’m so glad Kou chose to be here. Even if he did come here just for you.” Bokuto’s mother chuckled softly, her husband gently wrapping his arms around his wife. Akaashi didn’t realise he had confusion painted over his face until Bokuto’s mother looked up once again to laugh a little louder.

“I suppose no one told you how Kou actually got admitted here.” Akaashi simply shook his head as the woman continued.

“We knew early in the year that we would have to get Kou professional help. But we didn’t want to go about choosing a facility without his consent so we allowed him to look over different places to see where he would want to stay for some time. He almost instantly chose this place. He was extremely adamant about the fact that you were working here and we were in no position to refuse. We were supposed to check in next month but Kou managed to find his way here by himself with all his bags. He was really excited to meet his Keiji.” She smiled again, a little more hopeful this time. Gold eyes scanning gun metal blue ones. 

Bokuto’s parents had thanked him profusely after their meeting. Akaashi could only try and ease their worries by making sure to keep them as updated as he could. The sun had a tinge of orange, outlining the clouds and cooling the air slightly as Bokuto’s parents hugged their son as they were about to leave. All Akaashi could do was stare at Bokuto’s back, pleading that the sun would hear another of his prayers. One that Akaashi couldn’t even say out loud in his heart.

-

The day had come to an end and Akaashi was resting his head on the edge of his desk. He couldn’t tell if it was the weight of his never ending concerns or the fact that he liked the feeling of the cool metal edge against his skin. After meeting Bokuto’s parents, Akaashi sat in on one last session for the day before he could leave. Bokuto had just rambled on about how much his parents meant to him and reminiscing about that one time the both of them had dinner over at his parents house that one Christmas. 

Right.

Akaashi let out a silent sigh before lifting his head up, only to be greeted by a pair of large hazel brown eyes.

“Say Akaashi, how about we all grab dinner tonight. There’s this really amazing restaurant that opened not too far from here and Daichi keeps telling me to go. Just us, Kenma and maybe even Oikawa if he can finish his reports on time. Plus, you do seem to be in the need of maybe a beer or two.” Suga smiled down at Akaashi. He had always liked Suga being around the institution, and as a friend in general. It was an added bonus that he was the only one that could keep Oikawa in check as well. Akaashi smiled at the invitation and nodded in acceptance, a little too mentally strained to give a verbal reply. Suga smiled and grabbed Akaashi by the arms, making his way to Oikawa’s table to annoy him into completing his work faster. Akaashi silently thanked the gods for the becoming distraction. 

It wasn’t long until the four of them were settled at their seats, waiting for their food to arrive. Suga and Oikawa were animatedly discussing about the new coffee machine in the break room and how useless it was to have an ‘iced coffee’ option on it if it didn’t have an ice dispenser. Kenma, on the other hand, was busy trying to cut open a virtual dragons’ heart. Sometimes it was hard to remember that he was a pay grade above them. Akaashi had been stressed out the whole week, focusing all his attention on Bokuto and how to help him without crossing work boundaries. But the casualness around him allowed Akaashi to breathe and he was so very grateful for everyone at that table.

“So, Kei-kun, how are you progressing with the new guy?” Ever so discreetly, Suga elbows Oikawa in the ribs and he yelps loud enough to turn the head of some of the neighbouring tables. Akaashi stifled a laugh and shook his head. The light atmosphere calmed Akaashi down enough that maybe he could rationalise his thought with his fellow coworkers. Who knows, maybe they could help him out. Akaashi goes on to explain the current situation and how he had been trying to cope with the rawness of it, though he may had left out some key behavioural points that showed in Bokuto’s room on his first day there. The peculiarity of the whole thing was enough for even Kenma to listen in. As Akaashi finished his long ramble, the other three had looks of confusion, intrigue and concern all at the same time. It took a few long seconds before Oikawa spoke up first.

“Wouldn’t it be a little interesting to play along? Maybe that way, you can get closer to him and see what’s really the problem.” There was a hint or sarcasm laced around his voice. But everyone around the table knew that to do something as foolish as that, to play along with the delusions of a man that needed help for the sole intention of using it against them as treatment, was the last thing any reasonable doctor would do. As their food arrived, the usual chatter started back up again. 

But Akaashi wasn’t all that hungry anymore. 

When Akaashi made it home that night, he spent almost two hours in the bathroom. He scrubbed his body until his skin turned a light pink, irritated by the roughness of his movements. The water running non-stop, almost as if he was trying to wash away a secret, a thoughtless sin. Oikawa’s words had decided to make permanent residence in his consciousness and it had been gnawing at his curiosity since he heard those words.

 _‘Play along. You’ll know more about him. It’s the only way.’_

The thought had festered into a headache by the time Akaashi had nestled himself under his sheets. From where he laid, he could see the skyline past his tiny balcony. Bokuto’s words for the other day now joining his mental conversation and Akaashi bit his lips enough to draw blood. A good signal that he was grounded to reality. Maybe Akaashi could play along, but enforce his own sense of reality to try and reel Bokuto in from out of his dreams in the process. Yes, it could work. If no one saw them going along with Bokuto’s warped reality. If no one caught on to Akaashi’s overall game plan, maybe Akaashi could pull off the best mental game in his whole career. Akaashi’s professionalism screamed in turmoil, wanting to logically reason his way into finding a better and more approved method. Then Akaashi thought of Bokuto’s smile.

Ah, he wanted to see Bokuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4! Thank you guys so much for reading this. We're starting to get to the crazy parts so bear with me. I hope yall enjoyed and if you did, leave a kudos I immensely appreciate it :) 
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch
> 
> p.s: I've changed my updating schedule to tuesdays and fridays so get ready!!


	5. That Day, He Noticed

The previous night had left Akaashi jittery. He couldn’t tell if it was from the nerves of pulling off his plan or the excitement of it actually working out in the best way. Akaashi had never felt like this before. He had never taken it upon himself to solve problems that already had a systematic way of undoing the knots. Yet Akaashi stood, stiff with a thousand thoughts, in front of his office door. As he opened it, the delicate warmth of the room played against Akaashi’s skin. He immediately made out Bokuto’s silhouette pressed against the glass window, hands pushed against it as if he was trying to touch the gold light outside. Akaashi softly cleared his throat, letting Bokuto know he was there and ready to start a new day.

 _‘Their new day’_ Akaashi tried his best to bite back a smile. In a very un-Akaashi-like manner, enthusiasm bubbled within him. He sat down on his regular chair and Bokuto took it as his cue to lay down on his. It was standard procedure for them at this point but it seemed like Bokuto always made a conscious effort not to speak until Akaashi was seated and ready. He appreciated the silence that wove around them. Akaashi gave Bokuto a small smile to start and Bokuto proceeded to beam right back at him. They took a few small seconds to soak in each other’s smile before Bokuto decided to speak.

“You know, I wonder if the bakery outside the apartment still sold those special meat buns. Remember those?” Bokuto stared up at the ceiling, awaiting Akaashi’s usual reply. For the past week or so, Akaashi had came up with very uncreative and unsubtle ways of trying to evade anything concerning the both of them when it came to Bokuto’s ‘dreams’. All he could think of to steer away from responding anything that would hurt Bokuto’s reality was if the cafeteria food was good or if he saw the very competitive chess games that patients would have with Daichi. Bokuto didn’t mind, just as long as he was able to talk to his Keiji was good enough for him. But this time, Akaashi plunged head first into Bokuto’s world.

“Surprisingly, yes. Even though you and I were the only ones that bought it.” Akaashi guessed that he sounded convincing enough when Bokuto shot up from his previous position, bright ember eyes glowing as if to compete with the sun behind him. Even his silvery hair seemed to spike up more than natural. 

“That’s…right. That’s right! They said they only kept making them because we liked them so much!” He let out a boisterous laugh, one that Akaashi could feel deep in his tummy. It was working. His plan was working. 

After their long session, Akaashi had almost filled up his entire notebook. Bokuto had begun to regale on past activities and their many, many adventures through their years together. It was then that Akaashi noticed a pattern that excited him, maybe even scared him a little. Every moment that had played out in Akaashi’s life, be it a small inconvenience or a major event that helped shape the man he was today, Bokuto had apparently been a part of almost all of them. When Akaashi had been captain of his school’s volleyball team, Bokuto apparently was captain and Akaashi served as his vice-captain. When Akaashi went to a college with a good social science programme, he had apparently went to that college because Bokuto had enrolled in their engineering department. And when picking out his new apartment, Bokuto had convinced akaashi to get one with the view of Tokyo right at their fingertips. Was Bokuto supposed to have prior knowledge on even the smallest things on Akaashi’s life? Absolutely not and to be honest, there was a part of Akaashi that knew it seemed to step on boundaries that he didn’t know he had to draw. But the thought of Bokuto finally letting him in to more of his thoughts, it tingled his skin with exhilaration. 

Akaashi and Bokuto spends the rest of the week indulging themselves in Bokuto’s own little world. Akaashi was still extremely cautious in considerately trying to inculcate reality into Bokuto’s dreams of them and so far, it didn’t seem as if Bokuto was too startled by minor changes in what he created to be his own world. In fact, Akaashi noticed that he was more than happy to change certain storylines in his own head if Akaashi says that its different.

“I must’ve remembered it wrongly. You’re so smart, Keiji! No wonder you’re the best doctor!” 

-

In between their sessions, and even though Bokuto was stable enough to mingle with the others around the facility, Akaashi always found himself silently following him around. 

Merely for research purposes, definitely.

It was in the common room where Akaashi discovered that if he really wanted to, Bokuto was a natural at making friends. On Tuesday, Bokuto was out on the courtyard with a contagiously jumpy boy named Hinata. Akaashi recognised the ball of orange hair as Suga’s regular patient and knew the boy couldn’t keep one thought for one second. The two of them played with a worn out volleyball they managed to dig out of the backroom and man did they really play for hours. Hinata seemed to match the same sunshine energy that radiated from Bokuto and Akaashi was glad that there was someone who could keep up with Bokuto and keep him company. 

“My Keiji says that he’ll ask someone if we could get a net. That way, I can really show you the way of an ace!” Stars formed in Hinata’s eyes.

Butterflies swarmed in Akaashi’s stomach.

On Wednesday, Akaashi found Bokuto with his arm slung around another one of his patients. Atsumu stood slightly shorter than Bokuto, though being of almost similar build. Bokuto ruffled Atsumu’s bleached hair and let out a hearty laugh, pointing at a dark figure at the corner of the common room. He was also fairly new, coming in a few days before Bokuto’s sudden appearance. His dark, curly hair reaching his long lashes and a white mask to cover most of his face. He frowned, exposing the two moles above his right eyebrow. He was glaring at the two loud men in front of him, clearly unhappy with the loud noises or maybe the attention. 

“Come on, Tsum-Tsum. Just tell Omi-Omi you want to be friends. He totally wants to be your friend too, I can tell!” 

“I can’t. ‘Samu says that no one wants to be friends with me. So I can only be friends with him.” Atsumu points his chin to his side, gesturing to someone who was supposedly standing there. 

“Well, tell ‘Samu that he’s wrong. See, I’m your friend right? And Omi-Omi wants to be friends with you too. Go on.” Bokuto points an angry finger to where Atsumu was gesturing before, as if he was trying to scold whoever was standing beside him. He then pushes Atsumu right in front of Omi-Omi (who Akaashi later found out his name was Sakusa) and for a second, is too afraid to do anything. Akaashi takes a step forward, ready to intervene, but the dark figure stands up and reaches into his pocket before pulling out a pair of black gloves. He slips them over his hands and reaches out. Atsumu’s eyes glazed over with joy and takes the hand to shake. It only lasted a mere second before Sakusa retracts back his hand and excuses himself. Atsumu isn’t the least bit fazed, eyes still glossy and gripping the wrist of his hand. 

“Yer see that, ‘Samu? I can make friends!” He points to an empty spot, pure happiness dripping from his voice. Akaashi was too bewildered by the whole situation that he didn’t see Bokuto turn to him. He didn’t intent on Bokuto finding out that he had been following him but all that washed away when Bokuto grinned widely at him, giving Akaashi two big thumbs up. 

For the next couple of days, Akaashi had managed to learn enough about how Bokuto is as Bokuto. The man who loved owls and was just a joy to be around, no matter who you were. His hair was laughably natural, aside from the black roots which he had dyed because he wanted to look like his father too. His eyes were never dim, a polished gem with stars hidden within them. His hands smaller than Akaashi’s, the warmth of his palm piercing its way into Akaashi as their hands touched because Bokuto wanted to see whose hands were bigger. And now with him seated at the edge of his chair, Akaashi wanted nothing more than to capture the sight before him. The dying star painted the sky with the deepest oranges and reds, flushing out the light for stars to shine. And Bokuto, stealing what was left of the star’s glow and stared right back at Akaashi. 

“I’ve always loved your eyes, you know that? They’re beautiful.” Bokuto’s voice low, mellifluous. He didn’t wait for Akaashi’s answer, smiling instead and turning back to see the sun disappear past the horizon. Akaashi’s pen had run out of ink.

_‘I’ve always loved…’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 5! Thank you guys so much for reading it really means a lot to me. If you liked what you read, you could leave a kudos and check out my other work as well! Again, thank you guys so much <3
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	6. That Day, He Insisted

There was a time when Akaashi remembered being content with just himself. Early mornings resting on his balcony with his second mug of coffee and the cool breeze combing through his hair. Grocery shopping and picking out ready-packed meals for one so the he wouldn’t waste anything if he forgot to ate. Late night reports he had to catch up on because he couldn’t figure out if his patient knew what was a healthy coping mechanism or not. 

But Bokuto took all of his worries in his own hands and rubbed them away, turning all his problem into little particles and blowing them away into the cloudless sky. 

Ever since Akaashi decided to make himself a permanent fixture in both Bokuto’s reality and fantasy, moments were ephemeral. Akaashi would see him first thing in the morning for their early sessions where Bokuto would tell Akaashi about his dreams and one time about the flowers he bought Akaashi on their 3rd anniversary (they were poppies) and they would be the last people each other saw before the sun fell. Akaashi had gathered more than enough to tell anyone anything about Bokuto, inside and out. And it excited him. The man with wild hair and golden eyes kept stories far beyond the imaginations of anyone Akaashi had ever had the pleasure of meeting. A depth into someone’s life who he had never met in reality and a day-by-day play through of every event as if he had been a part of it the entire time. Bokuto’s mind was far more fascinating that Akaashi could ever hope to uncover in less than a moth of meeting the enigmatic owl. But how was Akaashi supposed to use his research to help Bokuto get better?

_‘Get better…’_

Those two words had been peeking around the corners of Akaashi’s mind for a while. While he did have access to the many brilliant wonders of Bokuto’s mind, none of what was jotted down in Akaashi’s notebooks was helping him get any closer to the cause of Bokuto’s dreams and juxtaposed reality. Bokuto was acutely aware of his everyday surroundings, unfazed by outside opinions of his reality and certainly unopposed to new ideas. But the only thing about his reality that was different from everyone else’s was that, in his life…

He had Akaashi. 

“Do you think I can finally go back home?” Akaashi looked up from his messy handwriting, staring right at Bokuto as if he had grown a second head. Bokuto wasn’t looking at him though, focusing his eyes on the poorly done paint job on the ceiling. The afternoon heat had started to kick in and Akaashi wondered if it was starting to get to him, even with the air-conditioner blasting down his neck. It was also times like then that Akaashi wondered if Bokuto ever saw anything wrong with the words he sometimes spoke. Akaashi waited patiently, anticipating some sort of punchline or after thought. But when the room stayed far too silent, Akaashi decided he had to speak up.

“Though you are a legal adult, we would need approval from both your parents and my supervisor to let you leave the institution.” Akaashi rolled out his professional voice in order to mask the confusion that was itching at his neck. Bokuto had seemed like he fit in well, making friends with others and being generally well-behaved around the other doctors. So why did he want to leave all of a sudden? Maybe he did miss his family and a new environment was still pretty scary, no matter who you were an-

“I meant back home to ‘our’ apartment, Keiji.”

Akaashi stopped. All of his previous thoughts coming to a screeching halt and dissipating in less then a second after Bokuto said those words. Akaashi could feel his heart beating in his mouth and he fought back the urge to cough it up. He didn’t realise that he was also looking up at the sad ceiling, unspoken words leaving a bitter aftertaste in Akaashi’s mouth.

“Y-you know you can’t just leave here and come back to m-our apartment. We would still have to speak to your parents, you’re still technically in the middle of treatment and it would be incredibly difficult in trying to convince Ke-“ Akaashi’s ramble cut short by light laugh. He slowly looked down and caught Bokuto’s gaze, distant and lowered. 

“It’s alright, Keiji. Forget I said anything.”

Oh, but Akaashi couldn’t. He had spent the next three days thinking about a mere sentence. A mixture of guilt and fear clawing at his throat so they could escape. Akaashi took the time to come back to terms that what he was doing was the professional approach and he was still doing this for the sole purpose of helping Bokuto get better. He recited the mantra over and over in his head, hoping that it would stick. But the mere sight of Bokuto reduced all of his efforts into nothing. Bokuto had acted as if nothing happened after that day. Though his eyes still shone like melted honey, the stars Akaashi could once count within them faded. Akaashi continued to follow and look after Bokuto when he wasn’t in their sessions, though he made a conscious decision to make himself a little more noticeable. Just enough so that Bokuto would turn and look at him, show Akaashi that he knew he was there, anything. But Bokuto just carried on with his everyday activities, as if trying to tell Akaashi not to think about what he said.

_“It’s alright, Keiji. Forget I said anything.”_

Even on his single-sized bed, Akaashi’s mind vomited the idea of Bokuto coming into his home and it was starting to flood his head space. Heck, it was starting to flood his own physical space. This was his job, but Bokuto made it so much more than that. He had forced his way into Akaashi’s mind and played his psyche like a fiddle. Nothing anyone could say or do could convince Akaashi otherwise. This was supposed to be nothing more than a job. When it came time to have another session, the skin around Akaashi’s fingernails had started to scar from his excessive biting. He could blame it on the stress. Or he could blame it on the words of a man who maybe knew better.

“You think there’s something wrong with me. Don’t you, Keiji.” Another period. His voice was flat, pressed against Akaashi’s chest like the world on Atlas’s back. Suddenly, their chairs were sat centuries apart. Akaashi could taste the bile that snaked up the back of his throat. His head spun from everything that he had thought about the past four days and Akaashi stood up in a flurry, knocking his seat backwards. 

“Listen, Bokuto-san. I would never think that. It just the thing you said last week I-“

“I told you to forget about it, Keiji.”

“I know but you looked like you were avoiding me the past few days and-“

“I wasn’t. Though you seem to be following me around a lot don’t you think, Keiji?”

“That’s not the point, Bokuto-san. What I’m trying to explain to you is th-“

“So what is the point, Keiji?”

“Would you let me speak!” Akaashi had never raised his voice. Never to his parents, never to his friends and especially not to his patients. A wave of guilt crashed onto Akaashi and he crumbled. Knees hitting the floor as Akaashi dropped his notebook and pen to the side. He stared wide-eyed at the ground as he pushed his hands slowly through his hair, trying to rake out the frustration that was spilling over the crown of his head. The earth’s gravity holding him in a chokehold. Bokuto didn’t breathe, a single noise being enough to shake the room. 

“You’re a lot, Bokuto-san. You say a lot of things that don’t make sense and you’re not normal. You need help, thats why you’re here. And I’m here to try and help you. I truly am sorry that you can’t leave anytime soon but you need help. That’s why I’m here.” Words had never tasted like poison before. The tip of his tongue sharp enough to cut open his own heart. He couldn’t wait around to hear Bokuto’s thoughts. 

“I have another meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow for our morning session, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi quickly picked up his notebook and pen, shoving them haphazardly into his bag before taking off. 

They were supposed to still have another hour and a half of their session together.

-

Four walls had never felt colder. The kettle in the kitchen bubbling over with hot water and an almost empty mug with coffee powder sat quietly on the island, making it his fourth cup of the night. Only the sound of heavy rain enveloping the apartment. Akaashi hadn’t move from his spot, sprawled on his apartment floor and still in his work attire. He couldn’t feel anything other than the cold floor where he had forgotten to lay out a rug on because he couldn’t decide on a colour he liked that would match his white walls. The taste of coffee still overpowered by the sourness of his words. The thought of it closed up his throat as he sprinted to the bathroom and threw up his previous cup of coffee. Tears had started to block his vision. Whether the tears were because of him or the backwash of coffee, Akaashi couldn’t care less. His body weighed a ton as he slumped himself at the corner of his bathroom floor.

_‘I didn’t mean any of it. I have to apologise. I have to-'_

A knock on the door broke him out of his spiral. He really couldn’t complete just one coherent thought. He sighed and got up, dragging his feet to the door. He paused slightly, glancing at his wall clock.

 _‘1:20am. Who on earth would knock on someone’s door at this time of night?’_ Akaashi ran his hands through his raven locks, detangling them between his fingers so he could at least look a bit decent for his midnight stranger. He reached out and turned the doorknob, rubbing his eyes as he opened the door. First thing he noticed was wet shoes, followed by wet pants and wet silvery hair. All of the light in the world staring right back at him.

“Bokuto-san?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 6! Down to the real spiralling stuff :) Thank you guys so much for reading it really means a lot to me. If you liked what you read, you could leave a kudos and check out my other work as well! Again, thank you guys so much <3
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	7. That Day, He Dreamed

Was he still in the room?

Akaashi stood in a tiny space between now and the inevitable. A small area where he knew the bad things were coming, but his eyes were still dry. If he could bring him there, just to hide him there for a while until he can fix them. Where he would stay, in all white, his hair still damp from the rain. Where his eyes still shone without the sun as moonlight poured in from beyond the balcony window. The minutes after Bokuto had let himself in were quiet, just light footsteps and the water dripping from silver locks. Akaashi’s hospitality instincts were the first to kick in, offering Bokuto a towel to dry off and the biggest pyjamas that Akaashi owned. The sound of midnight showers piercing the silence that the both of them had deliberately created but, as usual, Bokuto was the first to completely shatter it.

“Just how I remember it.” Akaashi couldn’t tell if he was being spoken to or if he was hearing the relief of a man who had finally found home. 

“What are you doing here, Bokuto-san? How did you even leave, let alone pass through security?” Akaashi wanted to sound angry, reprimand a patient who had no rights leaving the institution. But the sudden warmth in his apartment spread through him like butter and Akaashi knew he already lost a fight he didn’t know he was losing. Before Bokuto could even wring out an excuse, Akaashi felt his knees give in and buckle down once more. He fell onto the ground with a loud thud and let his body flail lifelessly, before pulling himself back together so tightly he thought he could disappear. 

“I’m so sorry Bokuto-san. I never meant a word I said. I truly am sorry it was incredibly unprofessional of me to say such things. I hope you can forgive me.” He wanted to say more, exchange celestial bodies for just a few more words, but the strong arms wrapped around him told him it was okay. Akaashi stayed in the comfort of those arms for longer than what was perceived as normal between patient and doctor. But those arms didn’t belong to any patient.

It belonged to Bokuto.

Maybe it was the exhaustion that was chipping away at Akaashi’s good judgement. Maybe it was the warmth and tenderness that pierced Akaashi’s heart so deep he couldn’t move. Either way, he felt himself sink into the comfort of Bokuto’s arms as he carried Akaashi into his room. Every step Bokuto took felt like they were underwater, but they were moving far too fast for Akaashi’s liking. He nuzzled his head into the crook of Bokuto’s arm and let himself soak in his scent.

 _‘Hmm…mint…and my office…’_ Akaashi hears a small giggle and looks up, catching Bokuto contently giggling to himself. His eyes crinkling and his smile slightly upturned to the right. A face Akaashi had never seen before because Bokuto was always laughing loudly or smiling at his widest. This felt very mellow, almost secretive. A secret only Akaashi knew. 

Akaashi continued to mindlessly stare until he felt his bed beneath him. Sheets cold from the nights’ breeze as Bokuto slowly and gently laid Akaashi on the bed, as if afraid he might break again. The heat around his waist wildly contrasting with the cool chill running down his back. Bokuto started to get up and turned around. The sudden fear of Bokuto leaving him crashed over Akaashi as he grabbed Bokuto by the shirt. He yanked hard enough to turn Bokuto around so that they were a breath apart, their noses barely grazing each others. 

“Don’t leave.” Akaashi couldn’t recognise himself anymore. There he was, words apart from his patient who he was supposed to take care. And there Bokuto was, eyes warm and melted, lips chapped from the humidity. Akaashi wondered how they would k-

“I’m just going to take a shower, Keiji. I promise I’ll be right back.” Akaashi felt his toes curl. Bokuto’s voice was sonorous, touching Akaashi all while he kept his hands by his side. All Akaashi could do was nod and let go of his shirt. Bokuto smiled at his Keiji before slowly walking out and closing the door behind him, leaving behind a flustered Akaashi. Thoughts caught like wildfire in his mind as Akaashi gripped tightly onto his chest, feeling his kept fingernails break the skin. Suddenly, he felt warm all over and positioned himself on the bed so that his back was facing the door. Akaashi knew he was shaking but a small smile still trembled its way up his lips. 

_'This is wrong. He is MY patient and there are obviously strict boundaries we can never cross. Never.’_ Akaashi continued to recite the lines over and over in his head. He screamed at himself loud enough that he didn’t hear the water stop running. He shut his eyes tightly, trying his best to even block out the cascading moonlight that tried to pry his eyes open. But Akaashi soon felt a bright star behind him, a warmth that took Akaashi whole. The star smelled like his shampoo. 

Strangely, Akaashi forgot he was sleeping.

-

 _He appeared in his dreams. His face turned away from him, shielded by eyes as bright as the glowing sun that was slowly swallowing him whole from beneath his feet. A scream he didn’t want to recognise. A shadow he had kept out of his mind just so he wouldn’t cry into complete oblivion. There was nothing under his feet now. The surreal feeling of nothingness becoming just as familiar to him as the back of his hands. His body began to fall, only to catch him, just barely. When he finally turned around, he felt his head hit concrete._

_He held his breath, almost as if he was looking at him underwater. He couldn’t explain it but the pressure of it hurt, collapsing onto him like it brought him a sense of comfort. All while knowing that that was the kind of pain he was experiencing right then and there. Every second saw his chest tighten up with an emotion only he could recognise. He still had not moved from his position, flat on his back as his cold eyes stared straight at a supernova that haloed around his head. His chest rose and fell gently as the silence pressed on. He held his breath, as he looked at him underwater. Stars dissipating into light as they swam away. The water had turned dark, sticky. His silvery hair had begun to grow and wrap itself around his neck, dunking him into the black water with him. Nothingness filled his lungs until his heart gave way._

_“Hey, Keiji? Do you think you would remember me if I turned into a star?” Legs tangled and foreheads touching. Ember sparks from his eyes cooled down in his ocean eyes. Skin pressed against skin and the world fell apart around them. There was nothing below them, a vast space that was slowly devouring them from the eyes down._

_“I think I would only love you more, K*******.”_

_“I love it when you say my name, Keiji. I want the world to hear you. Wake up Gods with your voice, Keiji.”_

_“********”_

_We can’t keep dreaming like this._

Akaashi opened his eyes and he barely caught a glimpse of golden eyes staring right through him. His hair barely stuck to his face in cold sweat. The blinds were barely letting any sun in and Akaashi sunk himself back into the sheets. His heart started to beat again, letting out a breath he had held on for what felt like the whole night. Flashes of the previous nights’ event shot through Akaashi’s body as he fell out of bed. 

Akaashi was late, and Bokuto was gone. 

-

His usual commute would have normally taken a measly fifteen minutes walk to arrive. But Akaashi had never been late to work, not even once. The added confusion about if he truly did have a midnight guest only made the journey seem lightyears away. His bag weighed a ton on his shoulder as he pushed past shadows so he could arrive quicker. Dashing past the gates and skipping the main office so he could reach Bokuto’s room. 

_‘Did he run off? Is he still here?’_ Worries had started to leak out of Akaashi’s fingers as he desperately tried to open Bokuto’s door. The handle kept slipping, seemingly phasing through his hands before Akaashi dropped to the floor. He pressed his head against the door and embraced the pain that shot up from his knees. He had fallen over so many times for Bokuto, blocked out all reasoning for him but he was gone. He was gone.

“Keiji?” The door wasn’t pressed against Akaashi’s head anymore. Instead, his chin was tilted up to meet his favourite hue painted over irises. His head cocked to one side in confusion as Akaashi almost coughed up his heart. Hands guided Akaashi back to standing, fingers still lifting his chin towards light. He couldn’t get another word out before Akaashi wrapped his arms around his neck. 

“Koutarou.” Akaashi felt Bokuto stiffen up and Akaashi let out a laugh. One that squeezed his heart and tore down his lungs. Akaashi took a deep breath.

_‘Hmm…mint…and my office…and my shampoo…’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 7! Thank you guys so much for reading it really means a lot to me. If you liked what you read, you could leave a kudos and check out my other work as well! Again, thank you guys so much <3
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	8. That Day, They Wandered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the end notes for more clarity. Love y'all <3

He was a lot. He was hydrogen and helium dancing together, shining from deep within his core. He was sensation that lingered far too long on Akaashi’s pale skin, crawling its way up to his neck until he saw blood soak his eyes. He was the subject of mindless writings that were scrawled all over hundreds of pages that Akaashi wished he could swallow, hoping the ink would stick inside of him. 

Bokuto was everything. 

Akaashi stared out of his office window while Bokuto rambled on about their high school days. His voice sweet, pooling around Akaashi’s heart and drowning it. The sky outside had started to fade into the slightest tinge of gold. Massive clouds spun from the summer sun’s threads decorated the sky as the streets below them faded into nothing but white noise. But as magnificent as the heavens were drawn, Akaashi’s eyes couldn’t help but fall back onto strands of ashen snow. A smile no word could ever describe. And Akaashi wanted the world to witness God’s grace upon a person.

“I want to see the world through your eyes, Kou.” Worded dreams rolled down Akaashi’s tongue uncensored. Bokuto stopped his ramble, tilting his head so he could witness beauty himself. Stormy waves collided in circles around his irises. Raven locks that were dark enough to hide both their secrets and fears. 

“Don’t have to if my world is sat right there on that chair.” 

-

Akaashi meant what he said. He had spent the better part of two days constructing the perfect plan. Locations that were safe and comfortable for Bokuto and they could still enjoy themselves. A complete itinerary of what time and where they would be. And also an almost completed leave approval that only needed one signature left.

Now all he had to do then was to get through Kenma. 

Ever since that rainy night, Bokuto and Akaashi had spent almost all their free time together. After sessions, they would go through visual books that the institution’s library had with owls in them. When the weather was good out, Akaashi would spectate the very intense volleyball trainings that Bokuto and Hinata would have. And on the rare occasion when everyone would leave the office early, Akaashi would sit by Bokuto’s bed and play soft classical music until he fell asleep. Of course this was to let Akaashi observe Bokuto and what better way than to stay by his side almost constantly?

Right?

Akaashi stood outside Kenma’s door and knocked curtly. He had already made sure to book an appointment with him prior so he wouldn’t interfere his supervisor with just a measly signature. From behind the door, Akaashi heard light footsteps approach him and open the door. Even though he still stood at a considerable height compared to Kenma, Akaashi’s heart raced when cat-like eyes scanned him from head to toe. Kenma let him in and Akaashi didn’t even let him sit down before he blurted his opening statement. 

“Please allow me to bring Bokuto-san out of the institution for a day. I think exposure to everyday things would help him tremendously and it could help me with my progress to see how he would respond to outside stimuli.” Akaashi had bowed down as low as could, his body parallel to the carpet beneath him. Words tangled together and he spat them onto the ground below him. He stayed in that position for a long time, hoping that his genuineness got through loud and clear. He slowly lifted his head up to see Kenma lost in thought. Akaashi couldn’t blame him, letting a patient out midway through their treatment with their doctor to merely observe them was an extremely risky move. Akaashi knew all that but he still wanted to try.

“Sure.” One word made Akaashi’s heart leap out of his chest. He stood straight back up too fast as millions of stars danced around his eyes. Keeping the straightest face he could muster at the moment, he bowed again once more.

“Thank you Kenma. I promise to take the utmost care of him while outside. Thank you so much.” The voice of someone who couldn’t keep his love bottled inside should have made Kenma retract his previous statement. Blaring warning sirens should have sounded. But the only sound that could be heard in the room was Akaashi’s heart beating too loud in his ears.

-

They were scheduled to meet outside the gates at 10am, having told to arrive back by 9pm on the dot. It was only two minutes before Bokuto was to show up but Akaashi was jittery and he fumbled with his fingers. He was about to start coughing up his anxiety if Bokuto hadn’t appeared sooner. He ran out of the facility and out of the gates. He waved his hands animatedly in the air as he called out to Akaashi.

“I’m here! I’m here. Did you wait long, Keiji?” It had been a couple of months since Akaashi saw Bokuto in anything but his regulated grey uniform so seeing him out with normal clothes, even if it was just a plain navy blue shirt and khaki shorts, Akaashi had to take a second to process the new look. Before he could greet Bokuto, he felt warm hands grab his as he was whisked away. The feeling of Bokuto’s slightly smaller hands holding on to his made Akaashi feel a blush crawl up his back and settling at the very tips of his ears. And they still had a whole day ahead of them.

Akaashi had planned the entire day for them. He brought Bokuto to a cafe, a quirky shop with trinkets and even a petting zoo where Bokuto had spent the majority of their time there in the owl’s enclosure.

“Look, Keiji! They look just like us!” He pointed over to two owls sleeping next to each other. A light grey and white horned owl rested soundly while a dark brown owl snuggled his head beside his winged partner. Akaashi felt his soul smile and he chuckled softly to himself.

“It kind of does, Kou. Though the owl is a lot cuter.”

“Keijiiii!” Akaashi chuckled again, this time louder than before. Though not loud enough to wake up the owls.

The sky had started to peel away its bright layers, exposing the evening colours. It was just past 8:30pm and Akaashi just wanted them to have one more moment while they could outside. Just one more moment. 

Akaashi knew that there was a summer festival happening not to far from the institution. He knew it would be the perfect way to end their day together. Just the both of them, under fireworks. That was all Akaashi asked for. Excitement ran through his veins as they walked past the festival’s entrance. Streets had started to crowd with vendors and people alike. 

“It would have been nice to see you in a yukata, Keiji” He felt Bokuto’s words right by his ear and his face immediately flushed deep red. Now all he could think about was Bokuto in a yukata.He quickly shook the thought out of his head and held onto Bokuto’s hand. They spent some time looking at vendors and Bokuto even won Akaashi a small onigiri plushie at a game booth. But it was almost time and Akaashi squished his onigiri in anticipation. Past everyone, a small hill sat just past the street. 

_‘Up there, we can have just one more moment.’_

“Where are we going, Keiji?” Akaashi was feeling bold, gripping onto Bokuto’s hand so he knew he was still there. They climbed up and the summer’s heat had died down to a cool breeze that sent goosebumps up Akaashi arms. He didn’t answer, not wanting to spoil the surprise. Eventually, the reached the peak and Akaashi could hear a loud gasp behind him. Past the hill, stood Tokyo and its brilliant shining lights. Nothing obstructing their view as the very tips of skyscrappers blended with the dark, cloudless sky. Even with all of Tokyo’s lights, the heaven’s stars shone with grace. Akaashi turned around so he could Bokuto’s expression. His eyes were greeted with Bokuto’s tears. A never ending stream of tears were rolling down Bokuto’s face, though they were all caught in his giant grin. A star burst to life in Bokuto’s eyes and Akaashi thought it almost blinding, putting both the skyline and sky to shame.

Almost instantly, Akaashi felt his feet leave the ground as Bokuto wrapped his arms around his legs and spun them around. He let out a loud laugh and Akaashi soon joined in. This time, Akaashi laughed and he felt it throughout his entire body. Akaashi looked down and saw orbs of ember stare right back at him. Just then, Akaashi’s moment arrived.

Colourful flowers bloomed in the sky with a loud bang. Sparkles of colour raining down before them as they burst wildly into the night. The sky glowed like halos that crowned them. Akaashi could almost watch the fireworks themselves as they reflected off Bokuto’s bright eyes. 

“I love you. Oh gosh I love you, Keiji! I love you so much!” Bokuto screamed over the noise. Akaashi’s heart swelled, threatening to explode louder than any firework. Bokuto spun them around again, continuing to confess his love to anyone and everyone who could hear him. Suddenly, Bokuto’s feet tangled themselves in the flurry and the two fell onto the grass. Akaashi could feel the blades of grass on his palm as he slowly opened his eyes. Golden ones met his. Bokuto was breathing heavily, face looming over his and a silly grin plastered over it. 

“I love you.” Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s usually spiked up hair caressing his cheeks Their nose touching. Their lips barely grazing each others. Behind grey locks, the fireworks still decorating the sky.

“I-“

“Akaashi!” His body froze, his back stiffened. Akaashi recognised that voice but he was too slow to put a name on it. In a second, multiple arms locked around Bokuto as they pulled him away. His screams were barely audible in Akaashi’s ears, tuned out by a piercing white noise that made him physically sick. Akaashi tried to get up, opening his mouth to explain, but was quickly tackled back down again by messy brown locks.

“Kei-kun! Oh god are you alright? Are you injured? Did he do anything to you.?” Oikawa panicked as he pat Akaashi all over his body, checking for any injuries. Akaashi wanted to pull away and get up so he could run to Bokuto. His mind was in too much of a mess to even speak a coherent sentence.He needed to get back to Bokuto. But Oikawa’s grip was too strong for him, all he managed to do was tilt his head back so he could catch a glimpse of him. Bokuto flailed his arms around, yelling at the top of his lungs. 

_‘Please don’t hurt him! It’s not his fault!’_ Akaashi opened his mouth to try and speak but they stopped in his throat. All he could do was let out a strangled scream as one of the men restraining Bokuto stabbed him with a needle. Akaashi’s eyes widened and messy tears ran down his face. Almost instantly, Bokuto’s cries quietened down as he fell to the floor, lifeless. He could still hear Oikawa’s voice in the distance as Akaashi slowly lifted his head up back to the sky. The fireworks had ended, the smoke covering the sky.

Where were all the stars?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading chapter 8. I know i haven't responded to any of the comments but i swear i will after its all over. I am eternally grateful for the love you all o]have shown me. I would also like to address the end of this story. I would love to hear any interpretation that you guys have. The ending of this will be quite open ended but I will upload a short explanation after this ends. Any questions you guys have will all be answered in the explanation. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading i truly appreciate it 
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	9. That Day, He Lost

He wanted to finally rest. His body was pulling him down into the void beneath him. He raised his head up so that he could catch the final moments of melted gold before they faded to black. Warm hands still clasped in his, he could feel someone calling out to him. How did that voice do that? How lovely was it to be in the arms of the loveliest? He started to hum to the beat of a love he almost knew, the last resort of comfort as his knees buckled under him. How lovely was it for the loveliest to fall right beside him, knowing that person could never catch him? A loud scream cried out, ripping the evening sky as it cried to the Gods and heaven if they chose to listen. How dare the loveliest of them all, call out for help? Why couldn’t he do the same? The anguish the voice carried bore the same agony he felt chained to his ankles. He could almost make out the silver lining that spun around massive storm clouds, tying ember orbs around each bump and tugging tightly so they wouldn’t leave. 

_Please don’t leave me._

10080 minutes. 168 hours. 7 days. A whole week. 

Akaashi had been put on leave since that night. He wanted to engrave that night with him on his skin. No, that would be too much for him. He barely remembers the blur of lights and colours from that night. No, that would be too much for them. He never wanted to forget the loveliness of that night. The colour of the sky, the look he held in his eyes that lit like liquid fire. How could he ever forget that night? The air around him looked as if it warmed the coldest hearts, the warmth of just being by his side that night. Akaashi never said a word the entire time, too horrified by his blood-curling screams. All he could do was watch as the sky changed and Akaashi thought that they could too. Swirl along with the clouds as the smoke pulled up and masked the heavens. Could he just blow them away? Just so he could see a star again?

Akaashi could finally return back to work and at that point, his body could move faster than his brain could process. He opened his eyes from too many dreams as his alarm went off and when he blinked again, he was locking the door to his apartment. His eyes could barely adjust to the morning star, but Akaashi maybe wanted to stare at it for a second longer. 

_‘Maybe that was what staring at the sun was supposed to feel like.’_

He proceeded on his walk to work when he almost heard the faintest of footsteps, walking just beside him. The shortest of glimpses of shiny, silver hair. A laugh he almost remembered. Akaashi went and tried to reach out to the feeling but a bicycle speeding past him stopped him dead in his tracks. 

_‘I should stop dreaming…’_

By the time Akaashi had made it past the entrance of the institution, he felt it. A black, slimy feeling that was clawing out of Akaashi’s guts. His head spun from the pain but he pressed on, maintaining his usual posture and demeanour. Akaashi was perfectly fine. Nothing from a week ago had changed him professionally and he was still the same person who could do his job without a hitch. He pushed open the door into the main office and almost immediately, the room fell into hushed whispers. Akaashi had expected as much, knowing the doctors liked to talk. 

How unprofessional. 

He set his bag down and looked into his daily schedule. He still was to keep the same routine. Nothing had change. Akaashi let out a slow breath, soft enough so that his coworkers couldn’t hear the ecstasy that followed along. If he was back and his schedule hadn’t change, that meant he could see him again. He could see B-

“Akaashi, could I talk to you in my office please?” A small voice came up from behind Akaashi, startling him ever so slightly. He turned around to see Kenma, clutching onto a large folder of books and papers. He nodded, too embarrassed with last week to disagree with anything he had to say. Kenma led the way into his private office and thumped the large stack onto his desk.

“Close the door behind you.” He nodded again, stiff as his fingers held onto he cold handle. He almost didn’t want to turn around. That same slimy feeling reaching the back of his throat as he turned the handle and made his way to the leather seat that faced Kenma. Every step he took felt like hours and all he wanted to do then was bury himself alive. The sickening feeling had flooded the room and nested in cat-like eyes. 

“I’ll be frank with you. I never thought that an experience like last week would involve a person like you. You’re smart, Akaashi. One of the more talented doctors I have on staff around here. I had given permission to you because I felt like I could trust you as a doctor to carry out your word and remember your job. I don’t know what exactly happened but I will say it does seem out of sorts for you. Besides the point, would you mind explaining this?” Kenma proceeded to open the folder and pull out five books. Each labeled with the same name on it.

_Bokuto Koutarou_

Akaashi body stiffed up instantly, his fingers fumbling around wildly under the desk. Five books that contained every single aspect of Bokuto’s life, a life he had shared with Akaashi himself. Pages and pages of fantasies scrawled onto paper, some being more real than made up in Bokuto’s head. Kenma flicked through the pages and laid them out for Akaashi to see. His own handiwork sprawled out before him as punishment. 

_‘Don’t say it’_

“I apologise for looking through your desk but the incident was far too suspicious to put off. You seem to be devoting your work elsewhere.”

_‘Please don’t say anything’_

“I am sorry but you seem to have tangled yourself far too deep with the patient. It’s barely healthy at this point.”

_‘No please don’t fucking say another word. Just please.’_

“Akaashi Keiji, I am removing you from the care of Bokuto Koutarou effective immediately.”

He opened his eyes that day. He was underwater. He pressed his hands down to feel golden sparks light up from under him. He looked up, the light barely piercing through waves, though he remained dry. His eyes had started to play tricks on him as streams of light started to wrap themselves around his body. They felt familiar, almost exploring his body as if it were a part of it. They started to pick him up as the water started to fill his lungs. The blue had started to dye his vision and he thought he heard him. Just ever so slightly. Screaming at the top of his lungs. 

-

20160 minutes. 336 hours. 14 days. 2 whole weeks.

Akaashi had been away from him since that night. Akaashi walked through the same hallways as he always had before he showed up. He met his other patients but still kept up to his usual busy schedule. It was coming to the end of the day and he just had one final session before he could leave. He held his notebook close to his chest as he awaited the warmth to pool out of his office as he opened the door. The sun was beginning to set, fires dying as the new moon peeked its head out form the other side. Brilliant hues of orange and gold blanketed around the room and it painted the drab walls with a star’s death. He smiled at the scene before him, shrugging off his bag as he sat down on his usual seat. The cushion on the lounge chair in front of him sank and he smiled at Akaashi. A moment of silence befell him, allowing him to start.

“Evening, Kou. I’m glad to be back. How are you? I hope you aren’t injured.”

“No? Fantastic. Good to hear we’re both doing fine.”

“Oh no, nothing too serious. I just had a week’s leave that’s all. Nothing too extreme.”

“Kou, I’ve missed you.”

Akaashi smiled contently, his heart too happy to contain itself. He could finally sit down down and talk to his K-

“Kei-kun? What are you doing in the office so late?” He turned around, a confused Oikawa standing at the foot of the door. His eyes shifted wildly at the sight of the office. His hands dropped to his side as he strung the view before him together, like woven destruction. Akaashi was sat at his usual seat, facing the empty lounge chair. The sun screamed in despair as it passed the horizon. Akaashi was all alone.

“Why, having a session of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading chapter 9. 1 more chapter to go! I would still really love to hear any interpretation that you guys have for the he ending. Once again, after I post the final chapter, there'll be an author's note describing the ending and how I want you guys to read the story. Thank you again for reading and if you liked it, you could leave a kudos and check out my other work.
> 
> Also, follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	10. That Day, They Met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Please read the end notes for more details.

He laid against fresh new sheets, barely feeling the new moonlight tickle his pale skin. The last breath of the warm evening light bidding farewell before the night placed an icy kiss on his lips. Tokyo sat quiet for them, just the steady pace of their breathing and the thumping of his heart. They stayed quiet in the stillness and watched the sky outside paint a dark blue across the sky. His fingers carefully tracing out his name and let his arm fall back down, landing right on top of his warm skin. He turned over to stare at him, taking his time to scan over every last detail of him. His silvery hair that draped over his face, his ever-golden eyes reflecting the stars in all its glory and a smile that twisted his heart so tightly he could barely breathe. The night sky had blurred into darkness, stars stopped glowing as the tears in his eyes welled up to the brim. He squeezed his hand tightly, yet he didn’t move an inch. He just kept his eyes on him while he let the tears pour down his cheeks. He cried, laughed, and hugged him with all the night he could muster from within him. His breath felt cold against his neck and his clothes smelled of his cologne. He could barely contain himself of pure emotion, he ripped himself off him and turned around. Just another second of being near him would have completely destroyed him. The room temperature started to drop drastically, the moon shining brilliantly over his body body alone. He smiled as he turned around. 

_‘The bed’s gotten bigger.’_

Akaashi wanted to start afresh, remove himself of all the events that plagued him. He bought new glasses that he was desperately needing and straightened out his work desk, he even bought a new plant for his balcony. It seemed like everyone was tiptoeing around him but he didn’t mind. Of course they would be, they experienced something big and obviously it would take some time to come back from it. Akaashi’s head was elsewhere, however. By that time, other patients had started to lose their interest points. All of their stories were repetitive, boring and almost monotonous. Akaashi would help them any way he could of course, but his mind was more focused on keeping his face interested in their sessions. 

But never His.

Akaashi could listen to his story for hours. In a Van Gogh-like moment, Akaashi would cut his ear off and give it to him if he could. Just so he couldn’t listen to anyone else but him. 

Their sessions would run longer than most of Akaashi’s other patients. They would even talked as the sky changed colour, unaware that Akaashi had miss a session or two. They didn’t matter though. They could find another doctor to help them. One who could listen to them without wanting to stir their brains out. Akaashi was on edge outside of his sessions, calling in sick to the office when he was secretly hiding out in his room. In his office, Akaashi forgot all about his leather seat. Instead seeking the warmth he craved on the lounge chair by the window. His hair felt soft against Akaashi’s skin, unable to move his body in the slightest as to disturb his peace. His lashes as dainty as ever, catching his dreams as he saw them through closed eyes. His large build curled into a small frame on his lap, letting himself be touched softly my Akaashi’s slender fingers. Akaashi could not bare to take his eyes off him. The messy noises from the hallways filled the space quietly. 

_‘How did we end up here? Here in my arms, stuck by my side as I wondered if he saw me in his dreams.’_

Akaashi raked his hands through silver strands, as if he was trying to wrap himself around the idea of him. Just him. How would Akaashi tell someone so precious that all they do was make others watch from afar? Unable to grasp them entirely without missing all the important parts? 

_‘How do I tell him I love him?’_

The sound of the door opening snapped Akaashi from his thoughts. Akaashi’s fingers still tugging at his hair. Oikawa and Suga stood almost as stiff as the door they opened, holding a white plastic bag each in their hands.

“Kei-kun! Having another session?” His voice echoed in the office just a bit too loud, the smile on his face stretched professionally. Suga just stood beside him, the same smile plastered across his face. 

“Listen, Akaashi. Kenma wanted to us to let you know that you have a new patient coming in soon. But he said that the patient might be too frightened with new environment so he asked if you could wear this when they arrived. That wouldn’t be a problem right?” Suga spoke with a levelled tone, opening up the plastic bag to reveal the dull grey uniform the patients had to wear. Akaashi thought it was weird for Kenma to think up of a new strategy to calm down new patients. Even the method of it sounded ridiculously manipulative in his head. A doctor pretending to be a patient so they could feel safe, but later turn out they were just doing their job? That didn’t seem like something his own supervisor would do, but who was Akaashi to challenge authority?

“Sure, that won’t be a problem. You can just leave it on my desk and I’ll get it later. I’m still in a session.” Akaashi smiled at them, running his fingers down his spine as he slept quietly on Akaashi’s lap. The other two nodded with steel rods in their necks, gently closing the door behind them.

_‘A new patient, huh.’_

-  
2 days.

It’s been 2 days since Akaashi had managed to get any sleep. His vision blurring every now and then, even with his glasses on. His bed kept growing larger but the day as Akaashi threw his head back in frustration. 

_‘Do I really have to listen to a new patient?’_ He pondered as sat up and reached for his mug on his nightstand. He drank the backwash of his already cold coffee, grimacing at the taste before deciding to lay back down for the night. 

_‘Or day’_ Akaashi thought as he saw first light peaking through the horizons, new light shining into his small apartment that overlooked Tokyo. He didn’t even want to think of the dreadfully long day ahead of him as he stepped into the shower. The cold water hitting his face boosted his energy just enough to run through his work schedule in his head. 

_‘I just want to see him, no one else.’_ Soap ran down his body along with the nights’ frustrations. Akaashi was used to the seeing gold orbs and silver linings in his everyday schedule. They always had a place and time and he liked it just the way it was. The one thing that kept Akaashi from driving up the walls was him. Akaashi couldn’t keep his smile out of his head but something about the faded background in his mind didn’t scream normal. But his other patients on the other hand, had wonderfully, tragically, fascinatingly and morbidly boring stories. 

And Akaashi couldn’t take anymore of it. 

He finally stepped out of the shower and breathed in new air, trying to psych himself up. Today was a new day and Akaashi would see him at work as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The walk to the hospital was colder than usual. Even on a hot Tokyo summer day like that day, the alleyway Akaashi took to work didn’t seem to let any of the heat or light of day in. Still, it was a peaceful walk and Akaashi always thanked his lucky stars they found such a quaint apartment near his workplace. For the nth time that morning, Akaashi thought about him as he stepped into the hospital. The early hustle and bustle warmed his heart slightly, acknowledging the familiarity of it all. 

_'Things are all in order.’_ He smiled to himself before making his way up to his office. Most of his colleagues were already out doing their rounds or at early morning sessions. Akaashi set his bag down and took out his notebook and files. He would just pick up the new patient’s file on his supervisors desk and make a mental note to talk to him about his new ‘Patient Coping’ method. Before he could do that, a long arm snaked around his neck. Akaashi didn’t have to turn around to see who it was, judging by his suffocatingly strong cologne and finely kept fingernails. 

“Good morning to you too Oikawa-san.” He felt the hand retreat followed by a loud, strained laugh.

“Always so professional. Even in the morning, Akaashi.” Akaashi almost corrected Oikawa’s special nickname for him but stopped when he realised that he had called Akaashi by his last name. Weird, but he just nodded slightly. 

“Just doing my job, Oikawa-san.” Oikawa stiffened up and retracted back his arm. Akaashi stared at him for a second before shrugging it off and making his way to his supervisor’s desk. Kenma sat quietly at his desk, already going through the other reports sent in by the other doctors. A small frown forming on his forehead as Akaashi quietly set his own reports on his desk. Kenma only looked up slightly to acknowledge him before shaking his head. 

“He isn’t here yet. He’ll only be admitted in the afternoon since his doctor isn’t in yet.” Akaashi opened his mouth to question him. Wasn’t Akaashi his doctor? Sure he wasn’t free now but he was still present at work. A small, unknown spark lit up quietly in his belly and decided not to ask anything. Instead, he quietly nodded, deciding to talk to him about his methods some other time. He had about 10 more minutes before his morning session with him but he couldn’t wait any longer to see him. 

Akaashi jolted out of his chair and grabbed his bag, running past Oikawa’s wide eyes and into the hallways. Akaashi couldn’t wait to watch his favourite story unfold before him in the early morning light. Akaashi just hoped he wasn’t waiting too long. He opened his office door widely, ready for his eyes to be blessed by God’s favourite creation. But the lounge chair had been replaced. A standard-issued facility bed put in its place. 

And he didn’t show up.

The rest of the day followed according to Akaashi’s schedule. The same irritatingly boring faces and the same irritatingly boring places that he had seen for the past two years. He’s a highly regarded doctor, acknowledged by his seniors even though Akaashi was still considerably young. But all he wanted to do was devote all his skills to him. Helping him while they fuelled Akaashi’s storytelling desires together. A win-win, in Akaashi’s opinion. But he hadn’t shown up for any of their sessions.

And Akaashi couldn’t see straight. 

Akaashi had started to pack up his bag when he was greeted with Kenma sliding a thick folder onto Akaashi’s desk.

“They’re here. Don’t mind the name on the file. Its just marked as your copy. Anyways, you’ll meet them in your usual office.” Kenma pressed on the file cover hard, as if hoping the file would never open.

Akaashi Keiji.

It was almost hysterical to see his name written on a file.

“Sure thing. I’ll do my best. But Kenma, I can’t seem to find B-” Was all he could say before Kenma chucked the file right into Akaashi’s arms, interrupting Akaashi’s train of thought.

“Oh no, you have to see them now. He’s getting a bit too much for anyone to handle.” Akaashi could only blink in response. It was beyond odd to see the usual quiet Kenma get so pushy but Akaashi couldn’t suppress the mild curiosity that bubbled within him. He slowly nodded his head as Kenma walked back to his desk. Akaashi pushed the file into his bag and walked out as he made his way into the restroom to change into the grey uniform.

 _‘A pretty thick file for a new patient.’_ That only peaked Akaashi’s interests as he pulled the shirt over his head. He looked at himself in the mirror, the sight of him almost making him laugh. He got out and walked to his office. Just as he was about to open the door, he heard voices coming from inside. Akaashi quickly opened the door to see Yukie, the resident nurse, talking to someone. 

“Just please let him come to terms with it slowly, Doctor.” Yukie pleaded softly with the man, his silhouette shadowing his features. Yukie turned to see Akaashi standing at the doorway and sucked in a breath.

“You’re here, Akaashi. Come sit down.” Her eyes welled up with tears, muffling silent cries. The silhouette stood up and turned around, looking down slightly to meet Akaashi’s eyes. 

_‘Golden.’_ Akaashi thought before looking back at Yukie.

“It’s alright Yukie-san. I’ll take my normal sea-“ But before he could finish, Akaashi felt his mind do a double take. The next thing he knew, he went into a dead sprint towards the silhouette. He hugged the man tightly, leaning in too hard that they almost fell over. He looked up to see silvery hair combed back, black roots peeking.

“Kou…” Akaashi whispered ever so softly, only meant for the both of them. Yukie’s cries of concern drowned out by the sound of his name. 

“How do you know my name?” Akaashi smiled. 

_‘Silly Kou…’_

“You’re the one that told me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH THE FINAL CHAPTER! Thank you guys so much on being on this journey with me. It has been more than a pleasure to share my writing with you guys and I'm a little sad that it's already ended. On a similar note, in a few days I will be posting an author's note of sorts answering main questions I think you guys will have after this chapter. So I'll be explaining everything and clearing other things up as well. Once again, if you enjoyed this please leave a kudos and check out my other work :)
> 
> Also follow me on twitter: @mistabitch


	11. That Day, I Wrote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My thought process

Hi guys!

First of I want to apologise that this took me so long to put up. I’ve been wanting to explain my thoughts about this fic for a while but I had such a hard time phrasing it for so long and I kept getting stuck. School has really chewed me up as well and my brain could only process so much of information at one go. That being said, here’s my thought process.

I am a theatre student and this initially came from a play I had thought of putting up but because of lack of resources and skills in general, I turned it into a bkak fic. Exploring the change between fiction and reality in Akaashi’s mind was really the driving force in the narrative. A lot of y’all came up with some really fun and interesting versions of the ending and what really went on and it was so much fun to read all of them. I wrote this with the intent of leaving the ending as open as possible, leaving the interpretation up to just about anyone who reads this. 

The Bokuto and Akaashi that appear in the first chapter are just as themselves as the Bokuto and Akaashi that appear in the last chapter. A sort of ‘shift’ happens when they’re watching the fireworks and Bokuto is taken away. The lost of contact and not being able to see Bokuto directly in front of him creates a new stage where Akaashi is a psychiatrist that falls in love with his patient and now he is being treated as a patient by the exact same Bokuto that disappeared. How I wrote it, Bokuto was both the patient and the doctor. He was not a doctor to start with and it’s not that Akaashi was a patient the whole time. It was more of the loss of connection the forced the narrative and reality to shift to fit into Akaashi’s new perspective. 

Bokuto kind of figures out that he’s stuck on a thin line of being changed according the Akaashi’s view on reality which is why he’s so hellbent on reminding Akaashi that they do know each other. Another reason why Bokuto being taken away would be the worse outcome for him. On Akaashi side, he subconsciously knows his relationship with Bokuto is unprofessional and he subconsciously taps onto that and contorts his reality to one where he can see Bokuto again and he’s being treated like a patient, just like how others viewed him during the last few chapters. When Bokuto comes back into Akaashi’s new reality, he has just as much memory of the time they spent together as Akaashi first had when he first met Bokuto. 

Once again this was just my thought process when I was writing this but I left out any big points that would steer the story into one singular narrative. I wanted the interpretation of the story to be to everyone’s liking and no matter how you looked at it, everyone’s perspective would be justifiable. 

I wanna say a big BIG thank you to everyone that has read this and supported the story. It means so much to me and more you guys don’t even know. Some of you guys left amazing and heart warming comments and I am so thankful. I’m sorry I didn’t reply any of the comments but I just don’t know how to properly respond to positive feedback and I didn’t want to give anyone a half assed reply. Though I still am beyond grateful for the comments and different ending thoughts from you guys I can’t thank you enough. To combat my awful people skills, any comments left under this ‘chapter’ I will respond. Whether it be questions, feedback, criticism or any other ending alternatives I will answer!

Once again thank you guys so much for reading! Do check out my other works and you can follow me @mistabitch if you want as well :)

Ill see you guys soon <3


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